Loose emotions
by stevieLUVSAlex
Summary: When Jonsey pushes the issue with Tess, she has a hard time keeping her emotions in check, but what happens when an old flame comes back to rekindle the fire that once was... Hayley will also come into this later on...
1. Routine

_A/N: I'm not sure how many people are interested in Blue Heelers anymore. I guess the hits, reviews and alerts will let me know. I wrote this story YEARS ago, when the show was still on air and Jo hadn't died. It's set before Tess left... not sure what season. Sorry. But I hope you enjoy it nonetheless =)_

Teresa's alarm clock buzzed loudly in her ear, as it had every morning since she moved to Mt. Thomas. She sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She lay there for a few minutes, gathering her thoughts and wondering what case she was going to solve that morning. Teresa was only known as Sergeant Tess Gallagher, of the Mt Thomas police.

Mt. Thomas was a small country town in the middle of Victoria, the population was no bigger than your average small town, but there was always a case to be solved. It was strange that in such a small place there would be so many crimes to solve. Robberies. Murder. Shoplifting. Rape. Drug raids. Assaulted battery. The list was endless.

Tess was the toughest policewoman on the force in Mt Thomas. She did her job, and she did it well, never taking orders from anyone accept her Boss, Tom Croydon. But she had a heart. Tess had built up a barrier over time, strong enough to keep out people that had the potential to hurt her. Tess had a crush on her co-worker, Constable Evan Jones, who was known to everyone at the station as Jonsey, although Tess called him Evan, despite his initial request for him to call her Jonsey.

But his feelings ran deeper for her, for him it was about love, he was in love with her and wasn't afraid to let her know it. Although they weren't together he had a habit of invading her thoughts. His protectiveness ran deeper than that of a co-worker, and he walked the extra mile when she asked him to, and sometimes even when she didn't ask. Evan had even gone as far as risking his life to save hers.

Constable Jack Lawson had been arrested for murder and been imprisoned only weeks before Evan had arrived in Mt. Thomas. They were unaware of how long he would spend in his jail cell. It all depended on his court hearing. Jack and Tess had embarked on a passionate relationship, but when he was arrested for murder he wanted nothing to do with her. She was crushed. She had fallen in love Jack and that wasn't a usual thing for her. It had also left her with a gaping hole and lack of trust in people.

She was scared to let Evan into her life in case the same thing happened, so she pulled away and refused to let her true feelings get in the way of her professional work. Though he couldn't understand why she was so standoffish, she wondered if someday she would tell him the truth and the tension in the room whenever they were alone, would vanish.

Tess was easy to get along with if you were aware of her unique qualities. She had a fair-bred temper but she was lovable. She had short sandy-blonde hair a little curly, green eyes and a wonderful smile.

Eventually, Tess climbed out of bed, showered and dressed in her police uniform. It was barely six am when she locked the house up and headed towards the police station.

And so began her daily routine.

On that particular day, she had some papers to look over before the day began.

She searched her bag for the station key, and when she attempted the lock, she found it was already open. Her heart quickened, as she considered the possibility of a break in. She stuffed the key back in her bag, and reached for her gun in her belt pocket. Tess aimed the firearm in front of her, and pushed open the screen door with her free hand, entering the police station.

She heard the shuffle of feet somewhere in the back, and the adrenaline kicked in, as she slowly approached the noise.

She silently prayed that whoever was there was unarmed.

The registered police firearms were hidden in the safe, and so ordinarily Tess would have been unarmed, however, she had taken her gun home by mistake. She poked her head around the corner and her heart jumped out of her body when she noticed the familiar face, as she tried to control her knotted stomach and her thudding heart beat.

"Evan!" she sighed heavily.

He looked up, surprised to see her, but a smile spreading across his face. "Tess, what are doing here?"

"Me? Its barely 6 am, what the hell are you doing?" she snapped.

"Catching up on paper work, she shrugged. "I have these cases to work on. I figure if I didn't get them done, you'd have my guts for guarders. What about you? Why are you here so early?"

"Same," she said when her heart rate finally slowed down. "I have to follow up on this case about the Gellar's and finish this paper work I have to do."

"Why did you come in with a gun," he noticed the firearm still in her hands. "It should have been locked up in the safe last night. What were you thinking, Tess?"

"It's early don't start on me, Evan."

Tess sat down at her desk and pulled out the paper work she had to work from. She tried to avoid eye contact, mainly because she was afraid, afraid if she looked at him she would want him. Things were complicated and she just didn't want to put her personal life on the line of her professional work. Not again, just to lose out when it hurt so much the last time.

Their relationship had only begun to mend, after the mistake she had made when she married Dr. Josh Carmichael. She had done it in spite of her feelings for Evan, however, it had stopped the temptation of wanting to be with him. Then after only three months of marriage, Evan had uncovered the secret that Josh Carmichael was in fact gay and marrying Tess was only to cover up the truth. He had been afraid of being judged as the local gay doctor. As if that wasn't enough for Tess to cope with, she found out she was then pregnant with his child.

Abortion wasn't an option to her. She would have the child and bring it up no matter how hard it was for her to deal with, even though it would remind her every day when she looked at their child, what she had been through.

But Tess had other secrets. She constantly recalled the passionate moment she and Evan had shared in the locker room days before she was married to Josh. A kiss that had been so steamy and passionate, it had left her weak and confused. But now, it was what kept her going, knowing that for a brief moment she had given in to temptation, she had let go and told him how she felt without expressing it in so many words. She could still feel Evan's lips on hers, his soft cheek against her face.

But her heart was conflicted with thoughts of Jack.

Jack was the one she thought of everyday, he was the one she pictured laying beside her at night, but along with that came the thoughts of him lying on some hard bed in a cold cell, where he had to spend all that time, for a man that he allowed to get the better of him. She had given up calling him and trying to visit, she had given up on believing that he would come back for her and he'd be her hero ready and willing to carry her away to that Castle in the fairytale books she had read as a child.

Her feelings for Evan were as equally strong.

_I have a lot more chapters if anyone is interested. But I won't bother re-writing them (Because they need A LOT of work) unless people let me know they want more. So reviews here ppl... something as simple as CONTINUE please... will work well enough. =)_


	2. A good night

_A/N: Most of this scene was ACTUALLY stolen from the show... so I don't own that... but snippets of it belong to me. =)_

By the end of the day, Tess had finished the paper work and case she had been working on, and she was able to go home early for the first time in weeks. The only trouble was, she didn't want to. Going home to an empty house didn't exactly thrill her. It was too lonely, there were too many reminders of Josh, too many reminders that she was 36 years old and still alone.

Pregnant and alone!

So she made some excuse to tell Tom and stayed behind. Usually the officers celebrated a hard day's work and finished up with a drink at the local Imperial. Tess had turned down the invitation and stayed in the office. There was always something to do...

"You comin' Jones?" Detective PJ Hasham asked, calling Evan from the doorway.

"Nuh I'm gonna stay back here." Evan replied, he looked at Tess for a quick moment and turned back to PJ. He smiled and disappeared out of the police station.

"Go home Evan." Tess ordered as he slowly approached her. Her body was shaking and knots were tied in the pit of her stomach, like they did every time he looked at her. For some reason he reminded her of Jack, maybe in the sense that he never gave up on his love for her, or the smile on his face when he saw her.

"You shouldn't be alone." he said.

"I'm fine. I don't need you to hold my hand. Go home."

He nodded and left the police station, for once actually listening to her. A sigh of relief came over her and she began to relax, it was so hard being around Evan because he gave her these looks and as much as she wanted to give into him, her last relationship with an officer had almost destroyed her, she wasn't going to let it happen again. She had to take control of her emotions.

After a considerable amount of time had passed, she heard a noise in the back room, panic seized her, but only enough to make her eyes search the room. She stood behind the computer; a sheet of paper she was filling was gripped tightly in her hand.

"Who's there?" she called out as she flicked her wrist around making the paper turn sideways.

"It's just me." Evan answered emerging from the locker room holding his right hand in the air as a defence to let her know that he wasn't going to hurt her. Immediately she noticed that he was wearing a green Jersey and carrying a sports bag in his left hand.

"What are you doing back here?" she asked shaking her head. Did he ever go home?

"I've come to take you away from all this," he explained. She smiled and turned her head away just for a second before turning back to face him.

"Evan." she replied still smiling.

"We, my dear, are off for a night of fun and excitement." he reached his hand into the sports back and fiddled around.

"Go home!" she ordered sternly turning her expression back to serious.

"Notice how I'm officially ignoring you here?" he explained, searching for a hint of something in her eyes.

"Yes I do and it's getting VERY annoying," she stated as she threw the paper onto the desk beside her.

"Then there's only one way to stop me hassling you isn't It?" he grinned.

"Yeah, what's that?" Evan still searching in the bag finally pulled out a bowling ball. She laughed and clapped her hands together, thinking he had his moments of kindness, but most of the time he was an idiot. "We're going bowling?" she asked as more of a statement than a question.

"Oh no, no, no." he insisted pointing his index finger at her. "Disco bowling!"

She looked at him as if she had suddenly gone troppo. She put her head down, a hint of a smile still lingering on her lips. "Give me strength!" she mumbled.

But by the end of the night, she had thoroughly enjoyed herself, but had no intention of telling him so. She had won, of course, and he was surprised by that, as though he didn't think she had a life outside the station. But little did he know, she had bowled a few times in the past, especially when she had taken in Hayley Fulton as a foster child.

It was eight am when she left for work the next morning.

She grabbed a banana on her way out the door; her face still had a smile painted on. It was in fact a beautiful day outside, the sun was warm, the grass was green and there was a full day of paper work and criminals to attend to.

As she entered the police station she could hear the sound of conversation, the other constables and seniors were already busy at work.

"Morning all!" she smiled greeting everyone as she walked through to the locker room.

"Glad to see someone got out of bed on the right side." Tom Croydon smiled in return as she disappeared into the back room, unaware that Evan came through the front door.

"Gid'day, hey." he smiled, he too had enjoyed himself the night before and had no reason to be in a bad mood. If he could take Tess out a few more times and she enjoyed herself like the night before, maybe something could happen between them. He looked at Tom and PJ as he walked the opposite direction Tess had gone, having no idea she had even arrived at work yet.

PJ looked at him strangely.

"Oh look, another smiling face..." he said suspiciously.

"I didn't realise that had been banned as well." Evan joked still smiling.

"And I'm glad to see work gives cause to some of us this morning," Tom added.

Tess had heard Evan come in and walked out to greet him and of course rub it in that he had lost the game and she had won the bet.

"Lemon tea, no sugar thanks." She smiled. "Our bet, remember?" Everyone in the office turned to watch the scene between the two officers.

"Yeah, alright," he said in obvious defeat. "But no-one gets three strikes in a row."

"Almost no-one," she teased.

"You two obviously had a good night last night," PJ interrupted. He had always suspected something, and Tess' break down a few weeks back had confirmed that.

Evan had been trapped in a bush fire, and unable to help, Tess had broken down and confessed to PJ that she was emotionally attached to him. She cared about him. Of course, nothing else was said, and she had married Josh Carmichael days later.

Even when he had returned she wasn't so stubborn that she didn't hug him and him and tell him never to scare her like that again. But that was it, there wasn't anything else after that, it was just another moment that seemed buried in a box and hidden from the world.

"Uh... Ben," Tess addressed, ignoring PJ's remark. She didn't want to make it out to more than what it was. "Did you start the running sheet?" she asked.

"Yes course," he snapped. Ben Stuart was a constable making therefore Tess' in charge of all three, which also included Joanne Parish known as Jo, along with Evan too. She liked being Boss, the only person she had to answer to, was in fact the Boss himself. Even though she wasn't in charge of PJ, he neither was in charge of what she did, which worked well considered both PJ and Tess were stubborn.

"Good well," she cleared her throat, concentrating back on the work she was suppose to do. "You and Jo better get out their then..." she ordered.

And so the day began.

_Now the fun begins... drama... romance... intensity... you gonna love it. Reviews are GREATLY appreciated. =)_


	3. Should have married me

_A/N: Again, this is part of the show, or at least the actions and dialogue is, the emotions are MINE. I think this is the last stolen piece, before I move on in MY OWN direction. But this was important to my story… =)_

This day was harder than the last. One of the cases had ended badly, when a young boy had died from breathing in chemicals of spray paint. Ben had made a difficult decision to finally go cold turkey on his present alcohol problem, so the tension was evident and there was so much paper work that still had to be done regarding the latest case.

Tess was staying back again that night, when everyone went off to the local pub. She didn't feel like association, she needed some space and some time to think about what she was going to do with Josh's child and all the other problems that came along with it. She was working at the computer again and hadn't even noticed when Evan came into the office.

He walked towards her and sat down on his desk only steps away from where she sat. She finally looked across at him meeting his eyes.

"So what brilliant idea can I come up with to drag you away from your work tonight?" he said teasingly. She laughed only for an instant and then adopted a more serious expression.

"Look… Evan, the other night was fun," she hesitated. "Okay _but_… tonight I really do have some work to catch up on." she said emphersing on the word but.

"Hey, come on don't brush me off." He reached out and touched her hand.

"Don't." she pulled her hand away, physical contact made it hard to deny him. it scared her.

"So the defenses are back up are they?" he snapped, turning his head in frustration as he leaned back in his seat. He just wanted to make her happy, but she wasn't giving him a chance. He thought the night before was great and now she was starting to pull away again. She was a tough girl to break, and he honestly believed he was making progress.

"What? I don't know what you're talking about?" she denied. She started typing on the computer again, trying to avoid the subject, trying to avoid eye contact.

"Your nice marriage to your respectable husband… that's what I'm talking about."

"Don't do that!" she warned him. She stopped typing and turned her attention to him, that topic was not open for discussion, especially with Evan. He was the last person in the world she was willing to talk this topic out with, considering he was the one who discovered his secret of batting for the opposite side. Evan stood up and looked at her.

"You know I'm not stupid," he stated. "I know what it was all for. It was to shut me out and to protect yourself from feelings that you were afraid of."

"You're wrong," she said speaking no louder than a whisper, her unsteady voice did nothing to convince him. He was right, she was afraid, but it was more complicated than that and she wasn't ready to tell him why she had built a barrier between them.

"No you are," he said angrily. "You should a married me." He loved her, there was no doubt in his mind about that, but sometimes being direct was the only way she would hear him, and this time he was determined for her to hear him. "Well, you should a married me."

As she watched him walk away with bitter resentment, she felt guilty; he didn't deserve to be treated that way. Even after finding out she was pregnant with Josh's baby, he still supported her, cared for her. He brought her a snack when she was working in the office one day and made sure she ate something. He offered to raise the baby with her, marry her, but she had refused him.

She sat in the office for a few more hours, just filling paper work that didn't really need to be done, her thoughts crossed between Evan and Jack as if they were in competition with each other. This time, it was Evan's words that took centre stage in her mind. _You should have married me,_ and she knew it was the truth.

_Bit more intense… more emotions… =) what do you think? Want me to keep going… reviews help to let me know… and I LOVE THEM! =)_


	4. Cold

_A/N: Here is another chapter… again, its focus is Tess & Evan, but that will change soon enough… the drama is coming up VERY shortly =)_

She was late to the station the following morning. She would have liked nothing more than to stay in bed, until all her problems had figured themselves out. Obviously that wasn't going to happen. All night, she had considered the possibility of marrying Evan, of taking up his proposal to marry him. He would take care of her, she didn't doubt that for a moment, and he would treat the baby as if it were his own, raise it, love it, and protect it.

Tess wouldn't be alone. Evan could make her breakfast and a snack at the office, he would make sure she was comfortable and didn't overwork herself, until the baby was born. He would be the one in the labor room, holding her hand, and telling her that the birth pain was worth it when she held her baby in her arms.

But as much as those thoughts crossed her mind, something prevented her from saying yes.

Finally, she dragged herself out of bed reluctantly. She had been due at the office ten minutes before, but time had seemed to be less precious to her this morning, she would have liked to turn back, to turn forward, sideways, front ways, back ways, she wanted to end time so that she wouldn't have to face him again.

Facing Evan at work was the hardest part of her day, to see him looking at her like he always did, with care and loving-kindness. It hurt. There were moments when they would look at each other and she could hardly breathe, sometimes it was their looks that said it all, everything they wanted to say but couldn't. Every morning that she walked into the office her stomach twisted into knots, he would be there standing in front of her, with a morning greeting and she would always be lost for words.

She arrived at the station minutes later. As she pushed open the screen door that led her to the front desk, she took a deep breath and forced herself to go in. He was there, dressed in his uniform, watching her, as if he had been waiting. He looked at his watch, and back at her.

"Morning everyone," she greeted, showing no sign of fear. She looked at Evan but he turned away coldly, for the first time he didn't reply with a good morning, or a hello, or even a simple, Tess.

He returned to his paper work. Tess showed no emotion regarding his sudden new-found attitude.

"Morning Gallagher," Tom Croydon smiled warmly.

"Mornin'," Jo muttered.

PJ nodded, and Ben was out of sight, but there was still no reply from Evan. It was clear that he was angry with her. Tess sighed deeply and then went to her desk and sat down, she went through the running sheet that Ben had left on her desk the day before and then looked at another sheet that was new to her. A woman had called that morning about a robbery in her house the previous night.

Knowing she'd have to face Evan sooner or later, she figured the sooner the better, and stood from her desk.

"Evan, come on, we're on patrol!" she ordered walking to the front exit. She looked back and straight at Jo Parish. "Jo, can work on that running sheet? Ben can you finish the paper work from yesterday?" she smiled weakly and then disappeared out the door, behind her Evan followed uncomfortably.

_DUN, DUN, DUN… sorry, too many US programs! So… we have a conversation between Evan and Tess next… heated… intense… are you interested =)_


	5. On patrol

_A/N: can you feel the love? LOL!_

In the car, Evan and Tess had been driving in silence for five minutes. They were nearly at their destination, when Tess pulled the car up to the side of the road. She had been waiting for Evan to say something… anything, but he had sat in silence, staring out the window.

"Right, what is wrong with you?" she ordered.

He shrugged. "Nothin'," he replied coldly.

"Come on, Evan, don't be like this," she pleaded.

"Like what?" he snapped.

"Evan… about last night-" she knew that's what this was about.

"Let's not do this okay," he shifted in his seat.

"Evan, you haven't said a word all morning. Are you mad at me?" for the first time, she actually cared. It stung, that he was so bitter.

"Nuh!" he answered vaguely.

"I'm sorry about last night," she apologized. She wished she could have given him something else, but it was all she had to offer.

"Whatever."

"Evan!" she snapped.

He turned to look at her. "Look, we should be at a job right now, not talking about stupid things we can't change."

"I'm not moving this car until we talk about this." She said stubbornly.

"Fine, I'm mad at you, okay? You push me away whenever I try to talk to you, whether it's about us or about your stupid husband. I won't try anymore, okay? You win. You never listen to what I say anyhow," he mumbled.

"It doesn't mean I don't hear you," she whispered. "Okay, Evan, I made a mistake. I married Josh because I was scared okay. I didn't want to do anything about us because I was afraid. I was trying to protect myself from being hurt, I wimped out, I'm not strong, just stubborn, is that what you wanted to hear?" she was bearing herself to him, in a way that she hadn't even done with Jack. It was a new level of emotions for her, and it wasn't easy.

"No," he barked. "I want to hear that you're going to give us a chance, to let me show you, you can be happy with me. All guys aren't like Josh. I'm not. But you won't give me a chance. Why? Tell me what you're scared of. I will never hurt you. I thought you'd know that."

"You say that now…" she reasoned.

"I mean it, Tess. I wouldn't keep trying with you if I didn't think you were worth it, you are. I care about you a lot, let me make you happy."

"Your right," she sighed afraid of where this conversation would lead. "We should be at a job right now."

"Let me guess, we'll talk about this later." he mocked.

"Evan! It won't work, that's it, end of conversation."

"There you are, you did it again!" he leaned his head against the chair and groaned.

"What?"

"You're pushing me away. At any mere mention of us, or Josh and you freeze up you refuse to listen or discuss the topic, your stubborn and so bloody professional it gets me so mad. It can't just be that you're scared."

"Let's do this later."

"Now," he yelled. "I want to discuss it now."

She shook her head. "I can't."

"Why later? So you can make up some lie to make me feel better, that's what you do all the time, why should this be any different."

It was Tess' turn to lose her temper. "Evan! You think this is about… I just can't… please try to understand it just won't work."

"I don't understand it. You still haven't given me a reason why it can't work, just that it won't, you've already given this an ending without even looking at the big picture. Give me a chance to prove you wrong…" he begged.

She ignored his question and pulled the car back on to the road and arrived at their destination a few minutes later. Tess wondered why she just couldn't come and tell him the truth about Jack and tell him that she had loved him more than she was supposed to.

_As we all know Jonsey, he won't give up… not yet anyway =)_


	6. Tess' reason

_A/N: Bomber Brown… this one is for you… as will the rest of the story, lol, since I don't think anyone else is interested. THANK YOU for taking the time to read it, and like it, it's always nice… =)_

Back in the car again, neither said a word. Tess wanted to tell him the truth, she wanted to more than anything, but he would just find a way to push her buttons and she would push him away. It was how it worked. It was all she knew how to do.

Her mind fleeted back to the kiss, the one moment in her life that kept her grounded and happy, when she felt like she had let go… like she had with Jack, her emotions free to explore the inner workings of her own mind, and allow herself the time to feel something other than responsibility and regret.

Unaware of his hold on her, Evan was the one who gave her strength to rise in the morning, and go to work, despite the fact that facing him seemed like an effort, in the end, she realized it was always worth it. HE was worth it.

Evan hated it when she pushed him away. He hated that he loved her so much, he hated that every minute was about her, he couldn't help it, he loved her. He wanted to be with her more than anything he had ever wanted in his life, he had tried to tell her that she was everything in his life that had a meaning, but he couldn't bring himself to say the words, and if he did, Evan knew her response wouldn't bring him the happiness he longed for.

"His name was Jack," Tess whispered, not realizing she was talking out loud. "He was the Constable before you, but he pushed me away when I wanted to help him."

"I won't push you away," he promised.

Tess looked at him, instantly realizing what she had said, her throat tightened and her body shook uncontrollably, she steadily put her hands on the wheel, one at ten o'clock and one at two o'clock.

"How come you've never mentioned this Jack guy before now?" he asked.

Tess was silent for a moment before she answered. "I guess I thought I was going to lose you."

"I'm never going away, I'll never push you away Tess. I care about you… you mean so much more than you think… I love you, Tess."

"I know you do," she said. "But it's too complicated. Try to understand?" she pleaded.

"Understand what?" he snapped. "That you won't admit you love me back? That you're scared? That you don't care about me? Come on Tess, am I getting close? I'm sick of these little games… I'm tired. I just want to be with you, that's all."

Tess pulled the car over to the side of the road once again, and turned the engine off. She was going to tell him the truth, everything, every thought in her head, every conclusion she ended up with, because he deserved that much, at least.

"Okay," she nodded. "You want to hear, it here it is… Jack and I were in love. It took us forever to get together, I treated him like everyone else and he didn't like that, he wanted to have special treatment, so that caused us problems, but he waited for me… I don't know why, I ask myself that question everyday. Then he got so involved in this one case about a drug dealer and he felt bad for a victim, he ended up killing someone innocent and went to jail, I tried to help him but he pushed me away, he said he didn't want anything to do with me." She paused, wanting Evan to get a clear picture of why a relationship wasn't so easy for her. "I still care about him, that makes it so much harder. I don't want the same thing to happen with us, I don't want to love you so much and then be hurt because it wasn't the real thing, because you decided that I wasn't important enough to you."

"It is the real thing, and you ARE important to me," he confirmed.

"You discovered that Josh was gay ... and then that I was pregnant ... the divorce… this isn't easy. Evan, what if things don't work out, what if you leave me stranded when I have the baby? What about my independence? I'll still be your Boss that won't change and I can't treat you any different from them, it's not fair."

"I don't care about that. I promise, I will never leave you stranded. I love you too much to ever hurt you. I've supported you through your pregnancy with Josh, and your marriage after we had that kiss in the locker room, don't you think about that, did it even mean anything to you?" he looked heartbroken.

"You have no idea," she said as the tears welled up in her eyes.

"Tell me then…"

There was a long pause.

"Honestly, that's the only thing that gets me through the day, that pulls me out of bed in the morning. I can't stand you near me because I'm scared that I'll want you, and then I'll start to need you in my life, and then to love you and then after that you'll leave me. I can't breathe when you're around, I don't think clearly, Evan this isn't easy just being here with you right now, it's killing me."

He nodded. "Fair enough, but think about this… it can remain the same because neither of us are leaving or you can give in to temptation and worry about nothing, cause I won't ever hurt you."

Evan made his move then, his lips parted slightly as he leaned over the passenger's seat and then inches away from her lips, the CB radio went off. PJ was on the other end.

"Two five zero, are you receiving? Over."

Evan answered it, unable to keep the irritation from his voice. "Go ahead nine hundred."

"We need backup on Finch Rd, now it's an emergency, over."

"On our way," he responded.

There wasn't another word said about it, there was no kiss, no reassurance, and no more small chat. They headed to finch road, both silent both irritated. The two of them spent the rest of the day thinking about what could have been, and what would have happened if they weren't interrupted.

_Yeah, that's how I work I'm afraid. SO CLOSE! LOL! _

_Okay review if you want more, you know the drill… =)_


	7. I wanna talk about it

_A/N: Hope you like this chapter… more coming soon. =)_

The next time the two of them were alone, was twenty-four hours later, and heading towards Old Swanport Road to check on a domestic. They hadn't said a word to each other since the day before.

It was Evan who was first to break the silence this time, though his nerves were evident in his voice.

"Do you wanna talk about yesterday?" he asked cautiously. He didn't want to push her. He was too scared she'd back away again and the moment that had would vanish as if it hadn't existed.

"No I don't," she said shaking her head.

"When? Because I don't want this to be just another lost and forgotten conversation, Tess," he pleaded.

"Later. We have somewhere to be right now."

"So that won't stop us from talking. Tess, something happened yesterday and I want to discuss it."

She took a deep breath. "I'm glad we were interrupted… maybe it was for the best. I think maybe we should just leave the relationship the way it is."

"And how's that?" he laughed bitterly. "Friends or the two of us in love pretending to be friends, which is it Tess?"

"Evan!" she warned.

"Don't! If this is how you want to leave it, then I'll get stationed somewhere else," he stated. "I can't live my life doing this hot and cold conversation with you, I can't be in the same office with you every day and nothing changes, when it's crystal clear to me that you feel the same way I do."

"Move out of Mt. Thomas?" she questioned, her eyes glancing quickly from the road to him, and back again. "You can't! Evan, this is stupid..."

"You're preaching to the choir. But it's not my choice here Tess, it's yours, you have the control in our relationship, you decide where it goes, you always did!"

He left it at that, and as they continued their daily routine of work, it wasn't mentioned again. They sorted out the domestic and headed back to the station, both silent, both lost in thought. Evan was thinking about her, and wondering what decision she was finally going to make. While Tess thought about the heartache Jack had caused her and wondered if it was worth going through it again, for Evan. Jack had once put it bluntly, _she was a control freak, she couldn't let go, she couldn't do anything that wasn't professional. And she couldn't let a man take care of her, because she grew up with an absent mother and had to fend for herself the whole time and now to allow someone else to do that for her, was… impossible_.

The following day it was as though nothing had happened, they were silent, nothing to say really, they went about in the station sitting at their desks doing their own work. It wasn't until the Boss demanded that they go check out an accident at the local pool that they had to be alone again.

In the car, neither one of them were open to start a conversation. Evan had had enough trying to persuade Tess to do anything about their relationship. Tess was too afraid to make a move because she wasn't sure how it would end up later, she had made the mistake the first time and she didn't plan on making the same one anytime soon.

As they walked into the pool area, ambulance officers and nurses, paramedics and a crowd full of curious people surrounded it. Tess rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"Move back, come on people we need some space here!" she ordered the group of strangers, eager to get a taste of a crime.

_More? Yes… okay, hit that review button and I will deliver… hehehehe =)_


	8. A decision

_A/N: Another chapter for you kiddo… this one is shorter though. =)_

Tess was seated on the couch watching the news that night, as if police work all day wasn't enough for her she had to know what was going on in the rest of the world. Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. She got up and without hesitation, she opened it.

"Hi…" Evan smiled from the doorway. "I hope this isn't a bad time."

"It's as good a time as any I suppose," she shrugged. "Come on in."

He came in of course and made himself comfortable on the couch next to her. Unable to express herself she waited for him to speak, and he did finally break the silence.

"This isn't exactly a social call," he said. "I came here because I need you to make a decision, Tess! If you think nothing can happen between us then I'm going to ask for a transfer, I won't stay here… I can't."

Her mouth dropped open in shock. _Leave for good_, he couldn't possibly be serious? He couldn't, she was scared to do anything about Evan but at the same time if he left then there'd be no possibility that anything could happen between them, and she hung on the hope that someday she would give in and life would be just as she imagined it.

Her head spun.

"Well Tess… What's it going to be?" he questioned.

"I can't Evan," she sighed. "You know I… look, I don't want you to go anywhere, but right now I can't promise you anything. I don't know. I don't know if I can later on, but right now, I just… I can't. I'm sorry."

He didn't hide his disappointment.

"It's your call," he shrugged. "And to be honest this isn't an easy decision and I'm going to regret it every day for the rest of my life, probably, but I can't go on like this. I'm sorry too. I'll be handing in my resignation to the boss tomorrow morning and I'll possibly be there one more day." He locked eyes with her, and longed to touch her, but he didn't even bother this time, it would only be harder to tear himself away. "I won't forget you… you know that," he stood from the couch and headed for the door. His hand rested on the handle as he looked back at her one last time. "Goodbye, Tess."

She lay back on the couch when the door closed and Evan disappeared. She scolded herself for not being honest, but at the same time she knew she made the right decision. It was what she needed at this time in her life, and Evan hadn't understood that, which was a shame.

A question in her mind remained unanswered, _how was she supposed to cope without Evan? _

_Reviews are wonderful friends. ;)_


	9. Goodbye

_A/N: This one is a little longer… okay, MUCH longer than previous chapters. Enjoy =)_

She couldn't bear the thought of going to the station the following morning. She had a knotted stomach and the feeling that she was close to throwing up, she had even attempted calling in sick; she'd even dialed the station several times, but forced herself to hang up before anyone answered.

This was going to be the last day she had to spend with Evan and she intended on making it worthwhile, begging him to reconsider, the truth was she just couldn't imagine her life without him and she didn't want to. He was the one that looked after her when she was sick, that brought her food when she was hungry or when he thought her unborn baby might be hungry. Who was going to do that when he was gone? Who was going to look after her and make sure she was doing okay? Who made her rest so she didn't overwork? She couldn't let him leave - she _wouldn't_ let him leave!

In the shower, she let the water run over her for some time, before stepping out and dressing in her uniform. She consciously styled her hair, hoping to catch his attention, and added light lipstick, before she grabbed her keys and wallet, before she headed out the front door. The moment her eyes settled on his, she knew that there was no changing his mind. She would not get his attention today. He would not pretend that everything was peachy-keen. He had made his decision. He was moving on.

"Evan, will you come with me on Patrol?" she asked with a small smile.

"I'd rather not Sarg, I have some paper work to do?" he muttered.

"I'm not asking, Evan. Now." Her voice was harsh. She needed to talk to him and if that meant patrol instead of cases, she was willing to make the sacrifice.

Minutes later, they were climbing into the patrol car and belting up. Tess started the engine and edged the police car out of the driveway.

"If you think a little chat is going to make a difference, you're wasting your time," he said bluntly.

"You're being really immature about this, Evan."

"I wouldn't bother," he said shaking his head. "The guilt trip won't work either, and if you think for a minute that just by telling me I'm being stupid that I'll stay… you're wrong. I've already given my resignation to the boss. I'm done Tess. I'm outta here tomorrow. I'll be having some drinks at the imperial tonight, farewell thing… you can come if you want."

He didn't sound like he really cared if she was there or not, which stung. "Look Evan… I need you to be professional about this."

"Don't tell me what I need to be doing, Tess," he snapped. "After today, you won't have to worry about it anymore."

"Fine," she sighed in defeat. "So if I decided to give you a chance would you change your mind and stay?" she challenged.

"Is that what you're saying?"

She laughed bitterly. "It's your way or no way, right? That's real mature of you, Evan. I can do this without you. If you want to leave, then leave, I'm not going to waste my time for nothing. If you think there's something I can say that will change your decision then you let me know."

They finished on patrol and to Tess's surprise the day came to a quick finish and soon they were drinking beers at the imperial to farewell a devastated Jonsey. Tess was still at her house and she wasn't keen on going to the pub, but she thought if she didn't she might live to regret it, and her colleagues would be suspicious, questions from them would arise the following day at work, on why she hadn't shown up

So she put on one of the tops that turned Evan's head every time she wore it in hope that somehow it would change his mind and he'd stay. But she also knew that she was deceiving herself, he had made it clear he was going, and now it was too late to change her mind even if she wanted to. She pulled on some light brown dress pants and locked the house after her, heading to the imperial.

As she entered the pub, she saw Evan immediately and her heart skipped a beat, without hesitation like it always did, and as usual, she ignored it and walked over to where he was standing with Jo. She smiled and brushed her hand on his arm and he looked at her sadly, but there was no hint of a smile for her and she covered the disappointment from her face so he didn't see how much this was killing her.

"We were just talking about how dull the station will be when Jonsey's gone," Jo said filling her in on what she'd missed.

"No arguments here… we'll all miss you Evan, even I will."

"Well, I can't say I'm not glad to leave," he shrugged. "Bigger and better things to do out there, will you excuse me?" he said leaving Tess standing there awkwardly, Jo staring at her with suspicious eyes. Jo was never one to be thoughtful when it came to questions, she blurted out whatever came to mind and there wasn't a doubt in Tess' mind that this moment would be any different.

"Is something going on between you two?" she questioned casually.

"Leave it Jo!' she ordered. "It's none of your business." She stated and then walked to the bar to get herself a drink. Evan was by her side less than a minute later.

There was an awkward silence.

"I'm guessing you haven't changed your mind," Tess exclaimed finally breaking the silence as they waited for Chris to finish with another customer before they were served.

"Have you?" he shot back.

Tess shook her head.

Evan shrugged. "That answers your question then," he said. His eyes deceived him as he locked onto hers, revealing that desire and deep love that he held for his Sergeant. "This is just as hard for you, I can see that, but it kills me every day that I turn up to work and you don't let me love you. I can't wait forever."

"So don't. Wait for little while," she pleaded.

"I already have, I'm tired of waiting."

He leaned towards her then and as she realized what he was doing, she found herself being drawn towards him. Her body seemed to respond instantly, her foot stepping forward so that their mouths met, her lips parted slightly to deepen the kiss. Neither one noticed the stares, coming from the rest of the colleagues, or Chris finally standing before them. It was just the two of them, alone at the pub, where all their problems had disappeared and they had given into temptation, the same way they had in the locker room that certain evening.

It was a long moment before they finally pulled apart. Tess found herself unbalanced, and continued to lean on Evan for support, which he willing complied. Their eyes locked again, and a small smile came to Evan's face, a moment later, Tess mirrored his expression, and then just as quickly as if she had woken from a dream, she instantly snapped back to reality. Her eyes scanned the room, and she found that many sets of eyes had been her lock lips with her colleague and she fled from the room in embarrassment.

… … … … … … … …

She had been alone for five minutes, back at her flat, alone in her bedroom, when she heard a voice.

"Tess…" he called from the lounge room. Tess jumped from the bed, distinguishing the voice as Evan's. He couldn't be in her house. NOT alone. She didn't trust herself anymore.

"Evan, you have to go…" she demanded emerging from the hallway into the loungeroom to meet him.

"No way!" he stated shaking his head. "What just happened in there… everyone saw it, Tess. You can't pretend this one didn't happen."

"I won't have to," she said. "You'll be gone tomorrow."

His face fell. "So what was that, a goodbye kiss?" he demanded angrily.

"I guess so," she said softly. It was as good a way to explain it as any other.

In one swift move, he pulled her into his arms and put his hand on the back of her head, stopping her from pulling away, and it took her a moment to realize it was happening all over again. It took all her strength to place her hands on his chest and with the will-power she had left, she gently pushed him away with the palm of her hand. He took a step back.

"Goodbye Evan," she whispered.

There was a silence look, a look that said everything she was afraid of. _Goodbye too. I love you. Ask me to stay. Don't make me leave. Let me hold you again_. But she didn't say anything and neither did Evan. Instead, he turned and headed out of the house and when he reached the front door, he paused looking back at her one more time, and she noticed he was crying. It tore at her heart.

"Goodbye Tess… I hope you find what you're looking for."

The door closed softly behind him.

She spent the entire night awake thinking of him and feeling the kiss fresh on her lips, asking herself why she couldn't bring herself to let him in. But she already knew the answer – Jack Lawson – and even though he was gone, she always knew there were unresolved issues, unfinished business, as it were.

And when morning finally came, she forced herself out of bed and got dressed; behaving like it was any other morning. She would face her colleagues and their questions when she reached the station.

_That's it for EVAN for a while… but he'll be back, maybe… lol… I almost HATE Tess for being SO stupid. =) what do you think?_


	10. Aftermath

_A/N: Drama is FAR from over… hehehe… it's JUST beginning. =) THANKS for wanting more…_

The station was full of noise when she got there, voices of her friends and work mates but she could hear their conversations and she wasn't impressed. She walked in quickly, so they'd stop and get back to work.

"…hell that kiss was more than a friendly goodbye," Jo was saying. "There was definitely chemistry there and maybe there had been all along we just didn't see it… the Sarg isn't one to talk about her romantic life. It may have been going on right under-" Jo stopped talking when she saw Tess standing in the doorway. "Sorry Sarg," she muttered turning several shades red.

"Shouldn't you be working Jo? That's what you're paid for, aren't you?" Tess snapped.

With a look of embarrassment, she nodded and turned back to her paper work on her desk, leaving Tess to sort out her day's work.

"Sergeant, can a word if I may?" The boss echoed from the other room. Tess sighed deeply and followed the direction of her boss' voice and slowly closed the door behind her. She stood before Tom with a professional approach and a tired look in her eyes.

"Yes Boss," her eyes lowered to the floor.

"What's going on with you and Jonsey?" he questioned with curious eyes, his tone was caring and low, he always worried about his staff as though they were his family, and they were treated as such, always had been. This was no different.

"I'd rather not talk about it Boss," she answered politely.

"I don't think you have much of a choice, do you?" he raised his eyebrow. "Well…"

"It was a kiss Boss, nothing more."

"What kind of kiss, should I be worried?"

"No Boss."

"Do you love him?" he pushed the subject when she clearly wasn't interested in perusing it.

"It doesn't matter now Boss, he's gone."

"That wasn't the question."

"I'm not sure… we didn't exactly explore in that area."

"What area did you explore in?" he pressed.

"Nothing Boss, it was strictly professional, minus that one mishap."

He nodded taking in what she had said, but he didn't ask anything else on the subject. He turned his attention to his paper work and without looking at her again, he said. "Were you afraid this was going to be the same as what happened with Jack?" his voice was gentle. She seemed surprised that he knew, but she said nothing and then he looked up at her and gave her a thoughtful smile. "I just thought you should know that Jack is out of jail and he'll be coming by tomorrow arvo, he asked to see you."

Tess was stunned. Jack? But why when before he wanted her out of his life, he didn't want her help, and he didn't want her. What in the world could he want now? Tom allowed her time to take it all in before he addressed her.

"Are you okay, Tess?" he worried.

She nodded. "I'm fine Boss." Then she turned and left the office. The rest of the day she walked around like a zombie and while that was amusing to the others since she wasn't constantly down their throats, she was finding it hard to be professional.

When she let Jo and Ben go out on patrol, they seemed surprised but obeyed as usual and when she sat down to her desk to finish her paperwork, she made several mistakes. Finally she sat back in frustration.

Jack? She knew she loved him, she always had and now that he was coming back to see her, she worried about that, worried how she was going to react when she saw him, worried how hard it would be to see him standing there knowing he had dismissed her so easily when she wanted to help. Knots filled her stomach as she thought about him, it was no longer the absence of Evan Jones that had her thoughts disrupted, but the return of Jack Lawson that was making her squirm.

As much as she was dreading the present day, she prayed it would last forever and she wouldn't have to face tomorrow, to face Jack, to face what she was feeling and how she would react when he walked through those doors. And when she finally locked up the station and headed home, she lay back on her bed and forced herself to stay awake, the longer she was up the more of a chance she had to figure out what she was going to say to him, what she was going to do when they faced each other.

Finally she couldn't hold her eyes open any longer and they betrayed her and she was soon asleep, dreaming of what life was going to be like when she finally stopped hiding what she really felt, and let herself be happy. Dreaming of what Evan was going to do with his life now that he was gone from Mt. Thomas and the friends he would make, and the other women he would meet.

_I know you like Evan, but I'm hoping you'll give Jack a chance… see what you think and I'll ask you again soon who you prefer Tess with =) Review and let me know you still like the story… _


	11. Apologies

_A/N: I mentioned Hayley Fulton would come into this, the foster child that Tess tried to adopt… well, this is the beginning, just a quick mention for now… and we see Jack again. I think you'll like it. Thanks again, for the interest in this story. =)_

Hayley Fulton was on her mind.

Any distraction from the fact that she would sooner or later see Jack Lawson.

She lay awake as the sun peeked through her bedroom window. Her thoughts drifting to the letter that Hayley had left her before walking out. Tess wondered if Hayley was safe in the arms of her mother, Tina, she doubted it very much, which caused bubbles of fear to surface. Tess tried not to think about Hayley. It hurt too much, and the contact they had was non-existent because her stepfather, Rollo, wanted it that way. Tina had always been an irresponsible parent and choosing to live with her boyfriend Rollo only added fuel to the fire. She cared very little that he beat her children.

It hurt to think of Hayley, and soon she allowed her thoughts to dwell on Jack.

It had been a long time since she had seen him. How much had he changed?

Tess had to take a moment for herself to gather her thoughts and emotions. Jack had always been able to see right through her. he had once told her she was a self-destructive control freak, she had trouble being impulsive, and had to remain the leader at all times. It was hard for her to let go, and spontaneity was even harder for her grasp. But she understood where the control issues came from, her childhood had been less than adequate, and was constantly unsteady. Her childhood had been far from easy, much like Hayley's, which was what had drawn them together.

Knowing Jack was only a few meters away, she was beginning to feel that power of control slipping away from her. She didn't like that feeling.

The first time she fell in love with Jack the whole station knew before anything even happened, now that he was back she knew they'd be talking about it again, her name would be the talk of the day. There were no secrets. It probably didn't help that Tess struggled to hide her emotions when it came to Jack Lawson.

She found the courage to make her way to work. Forcing herself to set aside her fears, she pushed open the door.

"Morning all," she called putting on a false pretense.

"Morning," they all chanted.

"Jack's in with the Boss," Jo said bluntly. Jo never was one for being tactful.

PJ shot her a look of disapproval, and then looked back to Tess. "He wants you to go in as soon as you arrive," he explained gently, adding a smile of sympathy to his words.

"I have things to do," she mumbled in annoyance. Tess went straight to her desk and pulled some files from a pile of papers and pretended to read through it, but her stomach had eradicated and she was in no frame of mind to be working through any paperwork. On the outside, Tess as calm and collected, she was like she was every other day, but on the inside she was trembling uncontrollably, her intestines were so completely twisted that she felt like someone had taken a metre of wire and meshed her insides together.

"Aren't you going to go in there?" Jo asked pryingly.

"Jo," PJ warned. Sometimes he was the only one in the world that shut her up. "It's none of your business."

"Aren't you curious to know what he wants?" she pushed ignoring PJ and pressing Tess for answers. Jo always did like to know what was going on with the station gossip, and if there was nothing to know, she was usually creating some of her own. But she had a heart of gold.

"Leave it, Jo." PJ whispered firmly.

"But it's Jack," she insisted. "If it were me-"

"But it's not you," Tess snapped. "Don't you have some work you need to do," she ordered.

Jo pulled a face and shuffled through some files in the cabinet. A moment later Tom emerged from his office and his eyes bore into Tess.

"I asked you to send her in," he looked at PJ and Jo for blame and neither of them said anything. No one could tell Tess what to do, after Jack was gone, she never faulted on peer pressure, she remained in control at all times – excluding a few moments when Evan had been pushy with her, and caused her to lose her mind. "Tess, could I have a word…" he turned and walked back into his office without waiting for a response. He expected her to obey him.

With a deep breath, she rose from her chair and joined him in the office, the moment she stepped inside, she closed the door. She could feel Jack's eyes on her, but she didn't look at him. Her hands shook, and her stomach felt like a washing machine on spin-cycle. "Is there something wrong, Boss?" she asked casually.

"Tess," Jack whispered from the chair in front of Tom's desk. He expected her to turn and face him, as if she had never noticed him when she came in, but she ignored him and kept her eyes on the boss.

"I think I might give you two a moment," Tom stepped towards the door.

"No boss, you don't have to go," what she wanted to say was that she didn't want to be alone with Jack. It had been too long, and she was too scared, with Jack she lost her guard and it was the only thing that kept her from completely loosing her mind.

"I'm just outside," he encouraged her squeezing her shoulder gently as he passed her. He left with another word, leaving Tess and Jack alone in his office. Tess didn't know what to do, so she stood there, her eyes on a spot on the wall, terrified if she looked at him she'd find what had never left her heart.

Silence filled the room.

"Are you gonna look at me, Tess?" he sighed. Tess didn't say anything. "Do you hate me that much?"

"HATE YOU?" she spat looking at him with anger unable to remain silent any longer. She glared at him, conscious that he looked more attractive than ever, with a sprinkle of stubble over his chin. "I called you on the phone, I wanted to make sure you were okay and you didn't want to speak to me. If I hate anyone, Jack, it's me. I turned you in, don't you remember that? You went to jail because I-"

"No, Tess," he rose from the chair and Tess immediately backed up against the wall to move away from him. It was a pure reflex, and it didn't go unnoticed by Jack. "I went to jail because I let someone die, I didn't save a man, because I didn't want to. As a cop, I had no excuses, no matter how much I hated him. I deserved that, my attitude was wrong, I was wrong, if you didn't turn me in, you'd be just like me. You were brave, Tess, you told the truth and that took guts."

Tears were falling from her face, and she didn't even know it, he stepped toward her and she tensed up, and trembled when he touched her face to wipe the tears. The moment his fingers grazed her cheek, she closed her eyes, feeling the familiarity of his touch, it was something she hadn't realised she'd missed.

"I'm sorry…" she whispered.

"I know," he replied.

Tess opened her eyes and looked at him. "I've wanted to say that for two years now, Jack, I'm sorry… I had to do what was right. I had to-"

"I know," he nodded. "And it's okay. I want to see you!"

"Jack," she sighed. "I can't."

"Please, Tess, have dinner with me?" he pleaded.

"No," she repeated feeling like someone had reached in and torn out her heart. "I have to work, Jack. I don't have time for this," she attempted to get out of the office, but he was quick, and he grabbed hold of her arm causing electricity to pass between them. "Don't… do… that," she whispered in shot gasps as she struggled to breathe.

"I want to talk to you," he pushed. "I'll wait until you finish your shift, I'll be here, I'll wait for you."

"No, Jack," she forgot that he was stubborn.

"Control freak," he stated gently. Tess smiled this time. "Be spontaneous. Remember how good it felt. I just wanna talk."

"There's nothing to say," she said coldly holding up the wall of protection. It was too easy to fall back in love with Jack, he had a way about him that made her lose power, she was helpless when he was near her.

"I'll be here when you knock off, I have some things I need to say," he stated. Tess shook her head but she didn't argue with him, there was no point, he always got the last word. A moment later she walked out of the office.

"What did he say?" Jo asked without waiting for her to even close the office door. "Is he going to stay In Mt. Thomas."

"Shut up, Jo," she barked. "JUST shut up."

_How good was that? Hehehehe… come on, Jack is kinda cool, do you like the character? =)_


	12. Dinner date

_A/N: _

The moment her shift ended, he was true to his word and stood at the counter waiting for her to finish up with whatever she was doing in the station. His eyes watching her every movement, she felt self-conscious and shot him an irritated stare until he looked away, then she finished packing up her paperwork and grabbed her keys for the police house before going to the counter.

"Are you ready yet, workaholic," he teased.

"I have to change clothes," she stated coolly. She wasn't going to pretend that everything was okay.

"Okay," he nodded in agreement, his smile disappearing almost as quickly as it had appeared. He followed her out of the station the eyes of her colleagues following him, Ben, Jo, Tom and PJ, all of whom were there when he was taken away in handcuffs. Tess however had other things on her mind, and they were the least of her worries, for she was wondering how on God's green earth she was supposed to get through a drink with Jack Lawson.

It didn't take long for her to change, and she emerged a few minutes later in black slacks and a green jumper. They made their way to the imperial. Tess walked beside him, but kept her distance, and when he went to the bar to order drinks she disappeared into the back room to find a seat for the two of them. It wasn't long before he joined her, placing an orange juice in front of her and gripped a beer in his right hand, he sat down opposite to her and smiled, his eyes lingering.

"What do you want Jack?" she snapped recalling how painful it was when he had denied her the permission to come and visit him in jail, and then asked her to stop calling him during visiting hours.

"I want to talk!" he stated matter-of-factly.

"About what, what do you possible have to say to me that was so important now but that you couldn't tell me when you were in jail, or when I called you on the phone? What Jack, what do you want to say to me?" she demanded.

He hesitated. "That I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" she said bitterly.

A flash of the past came to mind, as her eyes scanned his face. The lines on his face that she had traced with her finger, many moons ago, when they lay spent in bed after making love. The stubble only added to his beauty, and she found herself drawn to him like a magnet, much like it had been with Evan from time to time. She fought the urge to lean over and kiss him.

"Tess… no matter what you think, I did it for you," he said breaking her concentration. "I know you won't believe me, but I swear I had every intention of coming back to you when I got out, even if you didn't feel the same way – which I still don't know – I had to come back."

She rolled her eyes and sat back indicating that he could continue.

"I knew what happened to cops in jail, and I'm sure you do too. I didn't want to make an enemy in there and when he got out go after you to get his revenge on me. I loved you too much. You were all I thought about in jail, everyday I pictured you sitting at your desk working, shutting yourself off from the world, not bothering to go to the imperial after work. And that was what kept me going in that place, what kept me from staying sane and in control... from not picking fights with my inmates."

"I didn't mean that much to you, what we had... it was nothing more than a fling," she replied, not even believing her own words.

"NO! I don't believe that, we had this connection, you felt it too and I don't think you believe what you're saying either. I think you're scared," he guessed. "Of being hurt again."

"What would you know Jack?" she snapped. "You haven't been here for Two years. A lot can change."

He smiled knowingly. "You can't change in two years Tess, it took you too long to become who you were, it's too hard for you to go back, that was one of the reason's I fell in love with you."

"Don't do that!" she shot angrily.

Feeling as though she wanted to reach out and touch him, to make sure he was real, only made her realise that if she let herself fall, she might never get up again. His power over her was strong, overwhelmingly so.

"What are you thinking Tess?" he asked staring at her so intensely that it made her shift in her seat.

"That this was a mistake," she said. "I'm sorry... I have to go." Then without allowing time for his response she fled from the imperial and hurried back to the police accommodation flat, away from him and away from the pain that was taking centre fold in her chest.

_NOW, how do you feel about Jack? =)_

_Like him, hate him, want him to die, to leave, to stay... to- what?_


	13. Remembering Hayley

_A/N: Enter more of Hayley…_

Back in the peaceful surroundings of the flat she knew, Tess tried to pull herself together, scolding herself for running out on Jack. She collapsed on the couch and ran her hands through her sandy-blonde hair. What was she going to do now? How was she supposed to face him again? What was she going to say to him when he turned up at the station asking for an explanation? After sitting down for what seemed hours she finally got up from the couch and headed into the bedroom, walking to the wardrobe, she pulled out a small brown box. She hesitated before she opened it, wondering if it was only going to make things worse.

But finally she gave into the temptation, inside the box was all the contents Tess had collected when she and Jack were together, all the things that meant something special to her or had a certain meaning. Searching through it she found photo's, clippings from his arrest when he went to jail, little objects that had belonged to him that she had stolen from the station and kept as a memory when she wondered if she'd ever see him again.

It wasn't often that she looked in the box, it was too painful, but now as she searched through it, she found herself being drawn to him again, remembering all the things they did together in secret. Even the cabin where they were held hostage by thieves and how he had called her his girlfriend – Teresa – it was all there locked away deep in her heart with a lock and key.

She thought about his smile, or the way he looked at her when they first kissed before he was taken away in hand cuffs, the things he said to make her realise that he was the good guy, and teaching her it was okay to let her guard down once in a while, to take a chance when you felt it was the right time.

"_Be spontaneous_," he had said.

As she continued to investigate the box and all its belongings, she stumbled across a folded piece of paper, with confusion she took it from the box and unfolded it ready to read whatever was inside. She didn't remember Jack ever writing her a letter.

She instantly recognized the handwriting, but like a car crash, she couldn't seem to look away from it.

_Dear Tess,_

_There are a lot of things I didn't get to say before I left, stuff I needed to but was too afraid in case you looked at me and begged me to stay. I knew I would have, so I had to write it instead. I know you were sad that I had to leave. I was too. But I had to look after my little brother. I know you understand that. _

_I will look after myself I promise, I won't let Rollo get me this time, I'll be prepared. I know you are thinking I shouldn't have to be, but you did! You had to look after your sister and protect her the same way I'm protecting my brother, against the forces of someone who is supposed to protect and love you._

_But I was lucky Tess, because I had you, you loved me and protected me, and cared for me when I needed someone. You taught me what it was like to have a real family, and I want to do the same for my brother, he deserves to know what it's like to have a family that cares. _

_It took me a while to let you in, I'm glad I did and I know I'll miss you when I'm gone and I'll think of you always, I swear, wherever I am. I promise I'll stay in school and get an education and then maybe one day I can come back to Mt. Thomas and be a policewoman like you, I think you are the best cop ever because you not only caught the bad guys you care and love the good ones. You are one of the good guys, Tess._

_I want to thank-you for taking me in, for being the best foster mom ever, and I know I was hard at times but I never once wished you away and I know that I will be sad that I had to leave you but I know it was for the best reason – the only reason. I won't forget you and I know you won't forget me either, we were too much alike, just as you told me and I felt the connection as you did but I had a family to take care of, and I couldn't just run away from that._

_I love you Tess. I wish you were my mom, but the way it worked out didn't happen to be the way we wanted it to. But I swear if I can I will come back to Mt. Thomas and visit you, even if I have to run away for a while. Thank-you for loving me, I will always be your friend. _

_Love always_

_Hayley _

As she ended the letter, she was unaware of the tears that were streaming down her face. How could she just put Hayley's memory into a box with Jack and make her disappear? When she had taken her in and loved her like her own daughter. Guilt started to fill through her body, she felt sick.

She cried herself to sleep that night, thinking about how different her life would be if Hayley decided to stay with her and if Jack hadn't been arrested, the way things would have been if only fate was on her side. And then she closed her eyes thinking about the last time she and Hayley were together…

_Tess was packing the rest of the Hayley's clothes into her duffel bag knowing it was only going to be a few short minutes until she was gone out of her life, her mother sure as hell wasn't going to let her see Hayley, she hated Tess enough as it was, it took all the effort she had to foster Hayley as long as she did. _

_While Hayley sat on the couch trying to hide the tears of heartache and disappointment, she didn't have to tell Tess that she didn't want to go, and she didn't have to hide the tears from her either, but Tess knew why she was doing it – she did the same thing when she was her age – trying to be strong enough to go on with the life she had been dealt. It killed Tess to see the fear in her eyes though, knowing she'd be going back to the way it was before they met, going back to her mother and her abusive boyfriend Rollo. "She's late!" Tess exclaimed trying to make conversation. "What did she say on the phone?" she asked watching the tears finally escape her eyes; eyes that knew far too much, eyes that were full of wisdom that only an adult should know._

"_She'd been delayed…" she replied forcing a smile. "I could hear music playing and Rollo singing," she said bitterly._

"_Are you sure about this?" Tess commented eager to say anything to make her stay, she couldn't bare it the fact that she'd have to be the strong one, the one to fight and put herself in danger, Rollo had almost killed her once and Tess was sure if the opportunity arose that he would have no regrets doing it again._

"_Of course not." Hayley cried letting out a sob. "But I have to do it!" She announced bravely._

_Tess put down the bag she had finally finished packing and walked over to the couch where Hayley sat, sitting beside her she said what she was thinking, knowing full well that Hayley understood. "You're too young to take all this on your shoulders." She stated matter-of-factly since the girl was only nine._

"_Better grow up fast then, hadn't I?" she declared Tess knowing that she was far from kidding, because in her family she was the parent and while she had been living with Tess she had been able to be more of a child though she didn't act like it, she didn't bare any of the responsibilities she was thrown upon when she lived with her mother._

_With tears streaming down her face she turned to Tess. "I'm sorry… for hurting you. I deserved a lot more than a slap."_

_Tess shook her head trying to hold back her own tears. "No! Children never deserve anything like that." she smiled to show she wasn't angry and then as if by cue a knock at the door forced Tess to stop talking and stand up to answer it already knowing who it was. Her heart pounded as she headed to answer it, to greet Hayley's mother and to say her goodbyes once and for all, but when Tess's back was turned Hayley pulled a white envelope from her backpack and placed it on the table in clear view for Tess to see when she was gone. _

_Hayley's mother passed her without acknowledging her presence; she stormed into the lounge room where Hayley was seated, "Hayley baby." She greeted excitedly as she kissed her daughters cheek, but what she refused to see was the fact that Hayley was uncomfortable and she didn't want to leave Tess._

"_Hey mom." She forced a smile._

"_Ya all packed?" she asked looking at the backpack on the table then she went on without waiting for a reply. "Great! Sorry I'm late babe, but Rollo and me got a bit tied up and ya brother's bein' a pain in the bum and… let's go we got a bus to catch." She announced standing up._

_Tess's heart skipped a beat when she heard that sentence. "A bus?" she repeated more to herself than to Hayley's mother._

"_Yeah, I told ya." She spat angrily. "We're goin' north." Tess just nodded in reply though she hadn't really gotten her head around it, watching the scene play out between Hayley and her mother. Turning to her daughter with the cigarettes in her hand, she smiled showing off her dirty yellow cigarette stained teeth. "More sun more fun."_

_Hayley just forced a smile, while Tess hurried to her side and attempted to pick up one of Hayley's bags to bring out to the car, not wanting the moment to end but knowing when it did she would never see Hayley again. "Let me give you a hand with some of this stuff."_

_Snatching the bag from Tess, Hayley's mother shot her a hard, hateful look and spitting words at her. "I got it!" She couldn't look after Hayley, she could hardly look after herself and again forcing herself not to fall apart or to show Hayley's mother that she was scared and afraid of never seeing Hayley again, she looked at her one last time. The smile that was rarely seen on her small face, her small brown eyes and that soft, silky brown hair that would without a doubt soon become mattered and destroyed, most likely full of lice and split ends, because her mother was too selfish to see anyone but herself and her own happiness. "Come on Rollo's waitin' in the car with ya brother, can't wait to see ya." She stated taking the car and heading for the door._

"_Mom?" Hayley called taking a few steps towards her, she turned around. "Aren't you going to thank Tess for having me?" she wondered._

"_Nuh, nuh it doesn't matter," Tess interrupted. It had been a privilege for Tess, not a chore. _

"_Thank her?" she shot angrily at Hayley. "Listen that Bitch tried to take you off me, I don't have to thank her for anything." Making Hayley's eyes again fill with tears she glanced back at Tess before looking at her mother once more. "Are you comin' or not?" she demanded._

_Tess wanted her to say No, she would look after her, she would be he mother, she would never stop loving her no matter what she did, but even thinking that Tess knew Hayley as well as she knew herself, she had to be there for her little brother and she had to defend her mother against her violent boyfriend, even though it was the kids that Rollo targeted the most._

"_Yeah I'm coming let's go…" she said hesitating so she could say her last goodbyes to Tess, with her mother disappearing out the door. Hayley turned around and looked at Tess. "I'm sorry… thank you… I love you." Then she hugged Tess one more time letting the tears stream down her face as Tess held the moment as long as she could, letting the tears from her own eyes meet with Hayley's. She kissed the top of her head and then let Hayley walk out the door, closing it behind her._

_It was only then after that she was gone, that she let herself fall apart and burry her face in her hands as she started to cry hysterically. For this was the end for her and Hayley Fulton and there was no doubt in her mind that she would ever see that girl again, and what hurt the most wasn't the fact that she was just Hayley, she was almost like her daughter, she loved her, she looked after her, she cared for her, more than Tina Fulton could ever do. She just hoped that if there was a God out there that he would take special care of Hayley and make sure that where ever she went she knew that Tess Gallagher would always have a special place in her heart just for her. _

She buried her head in her hands and let the tears flow this time mixing in with the guilt that was attempting to hold on as long as it could, reminding her that she had forgotten Hayley, the one person in her life that she never questioned when it came to loyalty.

_Intense, yes? So what do you think of Hayley?_

_=) _


	14. A familiar face

_A/N: Okay, BOMBERBROWN, I took your advice. Here comes the next chapter. =)_

As if the universe had watched her the night before, the following morning it presented her with a gift.

"TESS!" the voice called from the counter.

Tess snapped her head around and looked at the young woman leaning across the counter, a warm smile on her face. The girl looked mighty familiar, with long brown hair that seemed unkempt and unwashed, and matching eyes, that seemed far too wise for its age and a smile that seemed directed straight to her heart.

She frowned, trying to decipher where she had seen the girl before.

"Are you busy?" the girl asked, dropping her smile slightly.

Her mixed thoughts and feelings stopped her from recognizing the girl straight away. But she knew her, she knew her like she would have, her own daughter. She gasped and put a hand to her mouth. "Hayley!" she announced.

Time seemed to stand still.

It was her. In the flesh.

It took a moment for her body to respond, and she stood from her desk and walked over to the counter. "Hayley…" she repeated a small smile creeping into her face.

"Hi, Tess," she nodded.

Tess laughed as her heart quickened. She walked around the counter, each step quickening until she reached her, and threw her arms around the girl that should have been hers. She closed her eyes and held the girl in her arms, Hayley responding with the same enthusiasm.

"I have missed you SO much," she admitted.

"Me too," Hayley said. "I thought you'd forgotten me."

Tess felt a wave of guilt wash over her. "Never," she said. Buried deep in her heart, she had kept the girl's memory, too pained to bring it out on a daily basis, but never would she forget her. This girl had almost been hers, and she would have adopted her, if Hayley had wanted that.

She pulled her at arm's length. 'What are you doing here?"

"Rollo… he- he went nuts, and-" there was fear in the child's eyes.

"Did he hurt you?" she demanded.

Hayley shook her head. "I ran away. I couldn't help it; I didn't want to… my brother's long gone. He moved in with some friends. I stayed to look after mom, but she… she didn't look after me."

Tess nodded listening. It had always been that way with Tina.

"It's okay, you can stay with me," she offered.

Hayley smiled. "Thanks, Tess."

"Hey," she pulled an arm around her shoulder and brought her around to the office side of the station. "I told you I'd always be here. I'll look after you. You always have a home with me, Hayley… you know that, don't you?"

Hayley blushed. "I do now!"

"HAYLEY!" Jo gasped excitedly. Jo approached her and gave her a hug.

"Give the girl some room," Tess laughed lightly.

Jo smiled stepping back. "Sorry. How long are you here for?"

Hayley looked back at Tess. "As long as Tess will have me," she shrugged.

Tess found herself overwhelmed by the prospect of having this child in her life again. They had created a bond the last time they were together, and but the look of her now, that bond was still intact. Hayley could live with her as long as she wanted, as long as Tina didn't cause trouble.

"Jo," Tess asked. "Will you take Hayley down to the pub and get some lunch," she turned to Hayley. "You must be hungry."

Hayley nodded.

"Jo?'

"Sure," she agreed. "Come on, Hayley…"

Tess watched the two of them disappear out of the station.

"Who was that?" Jack asked standing behind her.

Tess glared at him. There was a lot he had missed. A lot she needed to tell him.

_Hope you liked that… was it worth a review? =)_


	15. Yes

_A/N: I had different plans for this, I had every intention of having Jonesy come back, but I changed my mind. So this is the last chapter. I hope that's okay. I just have SO much going at once, it's hard to keep up with, and I HATE unfinished things. Lol =)_

There was a long silence between Tess and Jack as he stood before her, waiting for an answer.

"She's my… she _was_ going to be my foster daughter," she admitted.

"Your- your what?" he just about choked.

Tess smiled. She figured it would be slightly strange sounding coming from her. She hadn't exactly been a people person when he was around. But a lot had changed. _She_ had changed. "My foster daughter. Her name is Hayley… she's… she's a really good kid. We had a lot in common."

"You…" Jack couldn't believe it.

Tess rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Jack apologized. "I just… wow. It's a lot to take on."

"She wasn't any trouble," she smiled. "Okay, she was a royal pain in the butt… but she was MY royal pain in the butt. She really is a good kid, you'd like her."

"So what is she doing here?" Jack asked suspiciously.

"She's staying with me. Her home life wasn't, well… she had issues with her parents. I'll take her in, if she wants me to. I'll look after her."

Jack frowned watching her. "You're serious?"

"I am," she nodded firmly. She'd do anything for that kid.

"And where do I fit in?" Jack asked stunning her with his words.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "Could you raise a daughter?"

"I don't- I don't know, Tess."

Tess nodded. "If you want me now, Jack, I'm a package. She comes too, or its not deal."

"Tess, you're treating this like a business deal?"

She shrugged. "I'm sorry. I won't send her back to them… I _won't_."

… … … … … … …

Hayley had agreed to stay. As far as she was concerned, it was a done deal. Hayley belonged to her and her to Hayley. Mother and daughter… as it should have been years ago, and there wasn't anything Tess wouldn't have done for that girl.

Jack approached her one day, pulling her aside.

"I thought about you in jail," he confessed. "Every minute, every hour, your face was all I wanted to see. I won't ruin this. I want to be with you, and I see by the way you look at Hayley, that you see her as yours. I will too, I want to help you raise Hayley… I want to be her dad. I want to be your husband. Tess… let me?"

Tess nodded a small smile crossed her face. "Alright," she nodded.

"Yes?" he grinned.

"Yes."

She had spoken about the possibility of Jack in their lives, and Hayley had admitted, she thought he was a good guy. That was the only blessing Tess needed.

Jack bent down, and brushed his lips her hers, sealing the deal.

_Hope it wasn't too disappointing… =) Thank you for having an interest in this story…_


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